somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
