Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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