If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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