IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize