seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
