She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
