so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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