I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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