You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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