She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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