I hope mine doesn't look like that
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
