dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
