remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
