I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
