You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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