You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
