Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
