I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
