SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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