so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
