You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
