btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
