that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
