Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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