well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
