she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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