I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
