Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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