My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
