we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
