I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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