the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bring me that man meat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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