if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
