Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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