i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
