he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
don't judge my taste in strippers
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
