im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
