I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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