I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
