C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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