1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize