dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
