Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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