my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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