I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize