have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
