Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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