he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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