and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
