you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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