And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
