yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
