i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
why is half of my head shaved?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
