shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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