I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize