drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
