TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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