she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
