I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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