Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
