why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
