3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
