I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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