I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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