can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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