whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
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it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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