Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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