All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
